Getting the Job...(And Losing It)

ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF GETTING THE JOB (AND LOSE IT)

Warning: Do not try this at work.

1. Do you Guys take cash?

Yes- Let me get some change for you. You you like your change in 5's or 10's?

No- In fact, the only way you can pay for that is by selling us your child or volunteering as tribute and serving 7 years of service for us. You will become a personal slave to the store for no pay. So what will it be? Slavery or Selling your child? We also accept your soul.

2. Is this coupon valid?

Yes- It does expire tomorrow, so you are just in time for this. Are you ready to check out? I can help you right over here.

No- It expires tomorrow, meaning it is only valid tomorrow, between the hours of 3 and 7. Sorry, come back tomorrow, and have fun, because we are closed tomorrow between those hours.

3. Do you have this in my size?

Yes- Let me go get that you really quick. Anything else I could help you with.

No- You fat piece of lard, we don't carry sizes that big, and don't tell me it's not for you, because your fat ass tells me otherwise. Maybe you can look online, because none of us employees can take you and your lunch seriously.

4. Is your register open?

Yes-  You can just set your things down and I will be right with you.

No- Not for you at least. I only take the people who will pay with cash, are at least 5'6" and have more than 6 items in their hands. And although you reach all of those requirements, you still can't check out here, because let me be honest, I don't like the color of your skin.

5. Do you speak Spanish?

Si- Como esta usted? En que necesita ayuda hoy?

No- Do I look like I speak spanish? You racist bastard, you can't just assume that because I am dark I can speak some foreign language. The other sales associate has pale skin and smaller eyes than normal, but I don't see you asking him if he speaks chinese. Oh, you don't understand what I'm saying, let me clarify. You Suck-O.